What does it take to have a strong, lasting marriage? From “How do I know if I’m ready for marriage?” to “What should couples talk about before getting married?”—people are searching the internet for real answers to their biggest relationship questions. In this article, Catholic speakers and authors Jackie and Bobby Angel tackle the most frequently asked questions about marriage, including how to prepare for marriage, what makes a marriage successful, and why marriage can be both beautiful and hard. Whether you're single, engaged, or married, their insights offer practical and faith-filled wisdom for building a Christ-centered relationship that can endure life’s ups and downs.

What Makes a Marriage Successful?

At the core of a thriving marriage is deep friendship rooted in love and mutual respect. Approaching marriage as “a friendship with romance,” as Jackie calls it, facilitates communication and keeps your marriage centered on the proper goal. She explains it this way:

“You need a virtuous friendship … where you have a common goal or aim, and that means you’re trying to get each other to heaven. You want to spend your life with this person, and this person wants to be with you.”

This kind of friendship fosters joy, honesty, and trust. Successful marriages aren’t perfect, but they’re marked by a desire to truly know the other person, walk with them through every season, and grow in love even when life throws curveballs. Romance is a gift—but the foundation of friendship brings each spouse the assurance that they will be loved for who they are in totality and carries a couple through storms.

How Do I Know if I’m Ready for Marriage?

The Angels give a refreshing and realistic answer: no one ever feels totally ready.

“You're never really ready,” Bobby says. “The great adventure is just jumping in and figuring everything out as you go.”

Rather than waiting until every area of life is perfectly in order, Jackie and Bobby encourage singles to focus on becoming the healthiest, holiest version of themselves. Do the work of healing, grow in virtue, and trust that when the time comes, God will supply what you lack. Marriage isn’t a reward for perfection—it’s a calling to grow together in holiness.

What Are the Most Important Things to Discuss Before Getting Married?

Before walking down the aisle, couples should have numerous deep, honest conversations—not just about their favorite movies or where they want to live, but about their values, wounds, and expectations. Important topics include:

• How were we raised?
  
  
• How do we handle conflict?
  
  
• What are our hopes for children, careers, and finances?
  
  
• What are the roles we foresee for our lives as husband and wife?
  
  
• Are there areas of struggle—like pornography, debt, or past relationships—that we need to bring into the light?

“There should be nothing that you're hiding. There should be nothing that you're afraid to bring up," Jackie explains. She says if you fear the other person might break up with you over a hard discussion topic, that’s a sign these conversations really need to happen and that perhaps he or she is not the right one for you. 

Clarity and unity is important: marriage requires total transparency and mutual trust from the very start. And maybe assembling IKEA furniture is one of the best ways to build these qualities and learn more about the other person, the Angels laughingly suggest.

Is it Normal for the Relationship to Change over Time?

Definitely. In fact, it’s inevitable—and healthy.

“You'll be the same people but also different,” says Bobby. “Love must be steady and also flexible. Your marriage is going to change.”

Life will bring new circumstances—babies, careers, suffering, joy—and you will both grow and change in response to these things. The key is to grow together, to allow your love to adapt while remaining rooted in your commitment. Love isn’t static. It deepens when it’s lived with patience and intention over time.

What Should We Do if We’re Considering Divorce?

If you're struggling, don’t isolate—get help. Counseling, spiritual guidance, and time can bring perspective and healing. Jackie encourages couples to look back:

“Reclaim the love you once had! There was a reason why you married this person in the first place… Can we come back better?”

Not every marriage can be repaired, especially in cases of abuse. But many marriages that seem on the brink of falling apart can be redeemed and renewed. With God’s grace and the help of others, broken marriages can become powerful stories of redemption and hope.

How Do We Keep Our Marriage Strong After Having Children?

Children are a blessing—but they can also strain your relationship. Jackie and Bobby realistically speak to how hard it can be:

“Raising children is often a phase of mere survival… But your relationship is the first. Our vocation is this—our vocation is not our children first; it is this marriage.”

When the baby is crying and the dishes are stacked, it’s easy to let your spouse become an afterthought. But your marriage is the foundation for your family. Invest in your relationship, even if it’s in small ways: take 10 minutes to talk each day, show affection, and be honest about your needs. Prioritizing your marriage helps your whole family thrive.

For more information about a Church's teaching on children in marriage, check out this video from Fr. Mike!

Why Is Marriage Declining?

Bobby and Jackie see fear and cultural confusion as key reasons for this decline. Marriage is hard—and many don’t know if it’s worth it.

“Marriage is heavy: a great responsibility,” Jackie says. “Society has collapsed on moral issues … We've also declined in religiousness.”

Many people have not seen good marriages modeled, and society no longer affirms the values that help couples to thrive—self-sacrifice, fidelity, and faith. Instead, we’re taught to chase comfort and avoid difficulty. But real love always asks something of us, and in the sacrifice, we can discover joy.

Why Does Marriage Exist?

Marriage isn’t just a legal arrangement—it’s a covenant designed by God.

“On a very human level, marriage is super important because of children: children deserve a mother and a father,” Jackie explains, and Bobby adds that because the family is the building block of society, as Pope John Paul II highlighted. Because of the complementarity of man and woman, “marriage is not just a contract of pleasure but imitating divine love in which we've been created,” he concludes.

Marriage reflects God’s love for his people: faithful, fruitful, and forever. It unites two people in a bond that gives life, both spiritually and physically. In Catholic teaching, marriage is a sacrament—a visible sign of an invisible grace.

What Does ‘Wives Submit to Husbands’ Mean?

This often misunderstood verse from Ephesians doesn’t mean what many assume. Jackie offers a crucial clarification:

“Submission means to be under the same mission. A husband’s mission is to lay his life down for me as Christ laid his life down for the Church.” “It’s not grounds for me to treat her like an object,” Bobby adds. 

In Christian marriage, submission is mutual. The husband lays down his life in love, just as Christ did for the Church, and the wife supports and respects him in that mission. It’s not about dominance—it’s about love, trust, and unity in pursuit of a shared calling.

For more information on this from Fr. Mike, check out this video!

Should Marriage Be Hard? 

Yes and no. It’s not supposed to be miserable—but it’s also not effortless.

“There’s a bit of an oil and water of two different people coming together,” especially as you learn to reconcile two different ways of seeing the world and of practically living life, Bobby explains. Still, “there should be a deep current of peace… Conflict is okay.”

Hard doesn’t mean broken. Every marriage has conflict, challenges, and growth moments. What matters is that beneath the struggles, there’s a solid foundation of love and commitment that reminds you: this is the person God gave me to walk with, even when the road is rough.

Should Married Couples Have Separate Accounts?

This depends on your motives. Finances reflect trust and unity in a marriage, so it’s important to be honest about why you want separate accounts.

“Am I being transparent or trying to keep something secret? Or am I hedging a bet in case this doesn’t work out?” Jackie asks.

Unity in finances can be a powerful way to practice trust and shared mission. Whatever your setup, the key is full transparency.

Can Marriage Survive Infidelity?

Yes—but it takes time, healing, and deep commitment.

“It will be hell… You don’t get over it quickly,” Bobby says. “It takes a lot of healing and rebuilding of trust.”

Rebuilding trust is possible when there is true remorse, accountability, and a desire for reconciliation. Many couples have found redemption on the other side of infidelity—but only through deep healing and often outside support.

For more from Jackie and Bobby about infidelity, check out this video!

Can Marriage Survive Without Sex?

Sex is more than a physical act—it’s a sign of spiritual and emotional unity. Jackie explains that when sex is withheld for emotional reasons or disconnection, it’s a sign that deeper issues need attention.

“If it’s another reason like drifting apart, withholding it—that’s a deeper issue and needs help because sex is a sign and foretaste of heaven: a sign and foretaste of God’s love.”

In cases where sex isn’t physically possible, grace can sustain the couple in love and unity. But when it’s a symptom of emotional distance, a couple is called to deeper healing and communication.

Does Marriage Exist in Heaven?

No—but not because it’s unimportant.

“We won’t need the sign anymore because we’ve arrived at the destination,” Bobby says.

Marriage is a sign pointing us to heaven, where we’ll be united perfectly with God. In eternity, the sacrament gives way to the reality. So the fact that marriage does not exist in heaven shouldn’t make us sad, because in heaven we will be even more united with the persons that we loved most in this life.

For more information about this from Fr. Mike, check out this video!

Why Should Marriage Be Between a Man and a Woman?

Jackie answers this from a theological perspective:

“We are made in the image of a God of life-giving love. Marriage is a sign of that procreative, life-giving love.”

The male-female union reflects the complementarity of God’s love—different yet unified, capable of bringing forth life. It’s not about exclusion but about the meaning and matter of the sacrament. Marriage, like all sacraments, involves visible signs—and in this case, it’s the union of man and woman that reveals God’s plan for life-giving love.

Watch the full video below!