Waiting vs. Searching for a Spouse: What’s Right? (with Dr. Sarah Denny Lorio)

What is the right way to find your future spouse? As Catholics, it can feel like a battle between waiting/trusting in God’s plan and taking action. This battle often comes up in the search for a spouse. Do I simply pray for my future spouse and wait for them to come to me? Or, do I need to join every dating site and find him myself? Fr. Josh Johnson is joined by Dr. Sarah Denny Lorio to discuss whether or not there is a “right” way to find your future spouse.

Snippet from the Show
Time is never wasted when we put ourselves in the heart of Jesus.

Glory Story (2:54)

Listener Question (13:43)

We are told "Ask and you shall receive" and we hear "God helps those who help themselves." The joke about a person asking God for him to win the lottery over and over again but then finding out he's never even bought a lottery ticket is told during homilies many times. This again sort of reiterates that "God helps those who help themselves.” But then on the flip side, we're also told not to rush God, God's timing is perfect, don't demand a timetable from God, etc. From a practical standpoint how do we actually find a balance of asking for something, trusting in His perfect time but also not just sitting on our hands and just waiting? I've heard praying for a husband/wife but not going out to meet people is like thinking God will drop one off to us like an Amazon package. Does this mean if someone constantly prays for a spouse but doesn't intentionally pursue dating because they'd rather organically meet someone or maybe reconnect with an old friend than go on a dating site or attend singles events mean they're not doing their part? How do I know when I'm doing my part in pursuing what I'm praying for without overstepping and trying to take control away from God?
-Anonymous

Prayer (29:19)

Litany of Waiting by Sr. Josephine Garrett, CSFN for Ascension's Rejoice Series
Lord, have mercy.
Christ, have mercy.
Lord, have mercy.
From the fear of waiting, deliver me, Jesus.
From the fear of uncertainty, deliver me, Jesus. From the fear of failure, deliver me, Jesus.
From the fear of change, deliver me, Jesus.
From the fear that your promises will not come true, deliver me, Jesus.
From the fear that my suffering has no meaning, deliver me, Jesus.
From the fear that my suffering will not bear fruit, deliver me, Jesus.
From the fear of my weaknesses, deliver me, Jesus. From the fear that your grace will not be sufficient, deliver me, Jesus.
From the fear that your will is not for my good, deliver me, Jesus.
From the fear that your plans will not fulfill the desires of my heart, deliver me, Jesus.
From the belief that I wait alone, deliver me, Jesus. From the belief that I am waiting because I have done something wrong, deliver me, Jesus.
From the belief that I will wait forever without resolution, deliver me, Jesus.
From the belief that I am waiting because you will never respond, deliver me, Jesus.
From the belief that you have abandoned me in my waiting, deliver me, Jesus.
From the taunt of temptation and discouragement that whisper to me while I am waiting, deliver me, Jesus.
When it is hard to wait joyfully, Jesus, I will wait with you.
When my prayers seem unanswered, Jesus, I will wait with you.
When my struggles are overwhelming, Jesus, I will wait with you.
In my joys, Jesus, I will wait with you.
In my sorrows, Jesus, I will wait with you.

About Dr. Sarah Denny Lorio

Dr. Sarah Denny Lorio holds a PhD in Bioethics from the Pontifical Athenaeum Regina Apostolorum in Rome, and her doctoral research argued for a “third way” of sex education that teaches young people fertility awareness-based methods both as preventive medicine and as proximate vocation preparation. Throughout the last 12 years, Sarah has taught at both the university and high school levels: working as an ethics professor at Loyola University in New Orleans, teaching and coaching young women at Archbishop Chapelle High School in New Orleans, and speaking and leading international trips for college students as a campus minister at Louisiana State University. Trained in two methods of fertility awareness–Creighton Model FertilityCare System (2013) and FEMM (2024)–her passion is to empower women through a deeper knowledge of the great gift and beauty of their bodies and sexuality. In her work, she consistently seeks to integrate the demands of medicine with the dignity of womanhood and highlights the essential role of human freedom in the education of young women. She is in the process both of developing a high school curriculum that brings light to these realities as well as creating similar resources for parents. She currently lives in New Orleans, LA, and works remotely as a Personal Consultations Fellow with the National Catholic Bioethics Center.
You can find out more on her website: What Women Are.