What’s happening in the human heart when we feel that sudden “spark” of attraction? Dr. Sri turns to the wisdom of St. John Paul II and his profound work Love and Responsibility to helps us to understand how to navigate our attractions so that they lead to authentic love—rather than lust and use.

Shownotes

Show Notes

1. The Foundation: The Dignity of the Human Person

Every human person has inherent dignity as a beloved son or daughter of God.

Scripture Foundations:

• Genesis 1:27 – “So God created man in his own image… male and female he created them.”
• Psalm 139:14 – “I praise you, for I am fearfully and wonderfully made.”
• 1 John 3:1 – “See what love the Father has given us, that we should be called children of God; and so we are.”

Before any attraction, before any chemistry, every person has value simply because they are made in the image and likeness of God.

2. Sexual Values: Physical and Psychological Qualities

According to Pope John Paul II in Love and Responsibility, we are endowed with “sexual values” that draw us toward one another:

• Physical qualities (beauty, bodily features) → Sensual attraction
• Psychological qualities (personality, masculinity/femininity) → Emotional attraction

These qualities are good. They are not sinful. They are meant to draw us toward the person who possesses them.

Scriptural Reflection on Beauty and Desire:

• Proverbs 31:30 – “Charm is deceitful, and beauty is vain, but a woman who fears the Lord is to be praised.”
• 1 Samuel 16:7 – “Man looks on the outward appearance, but the Lord looks on the heart.”

God allows us to notice beauty—but calls us beyond appearances to the heart.

3. Attraction Is Not Sin

Spontaneous attraction is not sin. Temptation itself is not sin. Jesus Himself teaches that sin enters when desire becomes a choice to use another:

• Matthew 5:27–28 – “You have heard that it was said, ‘You shall not commit adultery.’ But I say to you that every one who looks at a woman lustfully has already committed adultery with her in his heart.”

The issue is not noticing beauty. The issue is whether we choose to reduce a person to an object for pleasure.

4. The Difference Between Instinct and Human Freedom

Animals operate by instinct. Human beings, however, are endowed with intellect and will.

• Catechism of the Catholic Church (1731) – “Freedom is the power, rooted in reason and will, to act or not to act…”

We are not slaves to impulses. We can choose whether attraction becomes reverence—or consumption.

• Galatians 5:13 – “For you were called to freedom… only do not use your freedom as an opportunity for the flesh, but through love be servants of one another.”

5. Love vs. Use

The heart of Love and Responsibility is this: love affirms the person; lust uses the person.

Authentic love seeks the good of the other.

• 1 Corinthians 13:4–5 – “Love is patient and kind… it does not insist on its own way.”
• Philippians 2:3–4 – “Let each of you look not only to his own interests, but also to the interests of others.”

When attraction leads us to honor, protect, and seek the good of the other—it matures into love. When attraction seeks to consume or manipulate—it becomes lust.

6. For Singles and Married Couples

For singles:
Attraction can be the beginning of discernment. But it must grow into knowledge of the person’s character, virtue, and faith.

For married couples:
Noticing another person’s beauty isn’t automatically sinful—but dwelling on it, fostering emotional intimacy outside marriage, or cultivating fantasy can become spiritually dangerous.

Holiness involves responsibility for where we allow our thoughts and desires to go.

Key Takeaways

• Attraction is natural and good.
• It is not sinful to notice beauty.
• We are responsible for what we do with attraction.
• Sexual values are meant to lead us to the person, not reduce them to an object.
• Authentic love always reverences the dignity of the other as a child of God.